Extended Family

It’s usually the case that when you get married, your family grows. You become related “in law” to your husband or wife's parents and siblings and your family is suddenly twice the size with mothers-in-law and brothers-in-law and everyone else.

But, in the case of my family it was after I got divorced that it got bigger.

Even after separating from my husband, I still keep in touch with the family I had when I was married. (Before his parents died I went to England on my own to see them and some years ago I went to visit his sister in London). But on top of that I’ve connected with my ex-husband’s new partner’s family as well.

For Christmas this year, we ended up having it at my daughter’s house because that’s where my grandson is. We were all there but so were her father (my ex-husband) and his partner and one of her daughters as well. Some years ago it even went as far as her ex-husband and his new partner being there too.

In this country, it’s not uncommon for couples who’ve split up to maintain a good relationship with each other and thanks to that the children get saved a lot of grief. But you don’t know whether such people will actually all get together as one family at Christmas. In fact, you get kids who have to run straight to lunch with their dad right after breakfast at their mum’s house.

My ex-husband’s partner is American and they’ve been together now for well over 15 years. My two daughters call her two daughters ‘sisters’ (and vice versa) and on Facebook they list their father’s partner as their “mother”. She and I are Facebook friends, just as she’s my sister in Tokyo’s feesubukku no tomodachi.

On Christmas, her and I nattered away for hours together about clothes (her dress was 'a chameleon dress’ designed in New Zealand. Not only is it reversible, you can wear it any number of ways depending how you tie it and fold it, etc.), our family, our health, our gardens… there’s no limit to the things we can talk about.

The best thing is that we can really have a good chuckle together.
My ex-husband was taking photos of the two of us laughing our heads off together - that's something that leaves me particularly tickled.

Whenever I get asked “Don’t you feel jealous or hold a grudge against her?” my answer is always “Not at all”.

Just as I’ve never once regretted getting divorced (not even for a moment, to use an English superlative) I have never for a moment felt jealously towards her.

Of course, I’m still a person with feelings just like anyone else and I’ve been envious of the two of them being so close and travelling around the world together. But what I’m envious of isn't her being with him, but the kind of lifestyle the two of them have.

Far from being jealous, I am just so thankful to her, from the bottom of my heart, for everything she has done to support the father of my children. Now that my children have grown up, they’ll say things like “It’s so great having her there” and her presence has been felt so deeply within my family.

She loves South America, and when I told her about the Sloth Club, she said “I love sloths!” I then straightaway sent her the English version of the Sloth Club website.
 
*Namakemono Club, a part of the Japanese “slow living” movement

For my grandson, she’s his grandmother too. When I see him smiling so happily being cuddled by her, I think to myself that’s what love is.

Merry Christmas!

[You can find the original post in Japanese 「拡大家族」 here.]